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2009-01-21T05:34:00.001-08:00

ITS 2009..woohoo..this yr i made a major decision to stay in JC and fight my way out.
I believe tt i can do it..juz tt where is my self discipline..i swear i will change this yr..really

its sometimes sad that i see my class..1908 tgt yet i m so far..sigh..its lyk i have disassociated from society..but its ok..sch is starting in feb 2 n i have been doing lots n lots of shopping..haha =P

recently watching boys before flower..haha..gave me the feeling when i watched liu xing huan yuan n wang zi bian qing wa..haha..how i wish i can be the gal inside..good figure..spunky character n special..sigh

2009, resolution 1: SAVE money $$$$$$!!!

2008-12-02T07:56:00.001-08:00

few more episodes n fated to love u is going to end..n in one of the behind scence clip..ming dao appeared..ohhh..my 2 favourite guys..haha..both tgt leh..=P

2008-12-01T09:05:00.000-08:00

hehe..fated to love u ep 19 lo...haha..recently became a zhai nv..every day only teach tuition, watch drama..but its only going to worsen..i will be studying..lol..i guess my guiltiness is setting in..anyway..i shld study to make up for my mum who is going to save 200 for me to shop..altho 200 its not alot but tts fine with me..i have spent her alot of money le..sigh..the last time go out with xue ian to buy tt scarf..i kinda regret..not tt its no good but sigh..18 dollars ..spoof n gone..how i wish i was richer..perhaps i can buy the stuff i wan..tts y i must study hard n earn big bucks nxt time..its sad when u r poor. period.

fated to love u is nice..i officially declare tt its my 2nd favourite drama cause frog turn prince is somehow still first..it makes me cry more..fated to love u has sad scences but its slightly light hearted n the pace is faster..sigh..at the end of the day..i lyk drama's tt make me cry..lol

might be going genting with my relatives..as usual..i dun wanna meet them..its weird not going to malaysia to celebrate christmas..i miss her..i wonder how she's doing in heaven..she shld be quite disappointed in me i guess..=(

2008-11-30T08:17:00.000-08:00

hehe..fated to love u is nice..but still i lyk prince turn frog..perhaps i can relate to it more n i m not a pushover lyk chenxinyi...but i do lyk her aft the reborn..its amaxing how a person undergo metamorphisis..someday..i hope to undergo tt =)..for now..i muz take care..its juz 22 days more to my operation..cool huh??

actually..i m scared..scared abt how will i recover..my pace of recovery etc...i fear alot of things tt i used to be able to do..now its impossible..life sucks..the operation i m waiting for is not her..but the one i hated most is back again..fate??

2008-11-28T05:02:00.000-08:00

after watching FATED TO LOVE U ep 1..there are many things tt i wld lyk to express..firstly, i can understand the hurt xinyi in the show felt when she realised tt the guy was such a jerk...how original she is is lyk how unattractive i m especially in terms of appearance..while she devote herself to this guy, the guy treated her otherwise..its lyk the more she hopes for a romance, the more absurd it is...somehow..i feel lyk her...but later of the show where she states tt she will completely forget n forgive the guy in order to let herself free..makes me realise tt i shld free myself from this misery too..wads mine is mine..what others dun see now..someday my prince will see..haha..

on the side note..sometimes..ji cun xi really looks lyk ming dao..actually..it wld be wonderful if he acted in this show instead..but ruan jing tian also not bad la..very pure..haha

2008-11-22T02:49:00.000-08:00

the guy b is over..now its guy w...lol..i change pretty fast huh..but guy b is not mine but gal a n i noe tt from the start..i have finally overcome tt n now its guy w instead..lol..as usual..i think guy w is for someone else..but its ok to dream isnt it..cant wait for zoe to be back..seriously need to gossip..lol XD

i watched perfect dut yesterday after camp and there was a part abt alex tan the surgeon doing a surgery for a cleft lip child...i felt sad when the mother thanked the doctor profusely..i somehow feel tt if i can be perfect now...wad wld i become..another prob i m facing is that i may go poly to take the marine course..i seriously dunno..my class mean so much to me but since i m retaining..makes no sense tt i go on repeating or shld i? lets wait until aft ngee ann open hse..haha xin hao will be my guide..=P

met cool ppl at obs..nila utama rocks..whoa..brian n ying ying were real fun..thank god jiaying was there for me..jeremy saved my life..literally..haha...lisa was the lemon which is sour but nice..kenneth is dirty minded..xD..darren is lyk a tree strong n assuring..ming hui is nice lyk clarrisa..yue an is encouraging...ruiling was quiet but at least we communicated..germyn was great in lending me lip gloss/ balm..n yu zhong was simply lame n funny...zhong huai was quiet but at least we survived the kayak sea ex..haha..juz hope tt every one can stay in contact =D

see u guys soon

2008-10-23T04:17:00.001-07:00

recently...i m sooo damn plagued with promos...its fated tt i will not be promoted...sigh..my heart feels so heavy..its lyk y?--deep down i noe y...its cos i m slack...i m useless...i m stupid...i m juz the opposite of everything good..i always thot when i m 18..i will graduate like everybody..but now...its impossible...i thot tt i could have my operartion @ 18...but its also not possible...all good things have eluded me so far..when will my time come...to stay back another yr i m prepared..i noe what to do n how to study now...its juz tt the thot of leaving juz hurts so much that my heart bleeds...drip drop drip...sometimes i juz wanna die..end this miserable life of mine..but i will not walk straight into the devil's trap..if god wans me to stay another yr..fine..his will be done...if tts the price i have to pay...let his will be done...cos tts the only way i can find comfort now....tmr is impt...it will decide lotsa things...we'll see what fate has in store for me....

guy B...i still havent gotten over him..y?..is it bcos i see him often?...anyway..it has to stop....when there is no future...end it...its the logical thing that one has to do right?life sucks...esp when i see A n B so close...its not jealous but its the feeling of being so non existent..so blatantly tt "hey..not u"...but y my heart cant obey...i feel miserable..i can never compare to anyone right? doesnt matter...i will do whatever it takes within these few months to shape myself...if not for him..at least for myself...

recently read a book my lurlene mc daniel...i will be seeing u...OMG...i cried soooo hard...i can totally understand how the gal inside feel...but shes lucky...she made it thru...but how many guys lyk tt exist...probably none....even if there is..it wont be me anyway...

i really love my class...they are all so precious to me...but now...its were...they were all so precious to me......syonara

2008-09-27T09:30:00.000-07:00

sigh..recently got 3 things to vex abt

1st: i dunno when n duuno y i lyk this guy B..he doesnt noe it n i dun ever wan him to noe tt i m hurting so badly juz bcos i cant overcome this feeling..its been so long since i have felt this way..espcially aft pc's incident...i have been forcing myself to get rid of him but i waver...i dunno wad shld i do..i think of wad he is doin..i wonder how is he..y is he lyk tt n etc...i feel very pained cos i feel tt i m not the one for him...i m not pretty..neither slim..i m rough n i feel worthless esp when i think abt my past.......but zoe has been a really great help..she noe's how i feel n how hard i wanna overcome this feeling..we went k garden today n we had a really great time..the best part was she saw this shuai ge..really very shuai one n told me to think of tt guy if i waver..god help me..i dunno wanna wallow into this..

2nd: i dunno y but money never seems enuf..sometimes i wonder y i have no i pod, no personal laptop, no money to throughly enjoy shopping...as i finally have my own room, i wanna decorate it but it seems tt money is a real big prob..i have also becomed a person where i feel tt i have to scrimp n save juz for something i want..i have to weigh the consequences whe i purchase anything..life sucks

3rd:..yesterday..together with jing yi n yuan tat..we went to yikai house n stayed until 9..den i didnt take my dinner for tt night n i actually lyk the feeling..i have been eating very little these feel days as i dun have the appetite but i also enjoy this feeling of hunger..i noe tt wrong but i lyk it..it gives me the hope tt i can slim down..but the ultimate thing is tt i will be swimming n start jogging any time possible..i wanna change..lyk jolin n transforn into chae yeon http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYLLP4T_ZQs or lee hyori http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5vQNAB_9p4..they seriously dance well n look good..sigh

2008-08-06T05:40:00.000-07:00

inline skating was sooo fun..i saw albert again..haha..he rmb me lol ^^ damn fun its like i never skate for soooo long le..haha

damn tired lor..still have to finish eom wr n physics..dying le..hope can rejuvinate during this long weekend..lol

better go mug le..sonja finally talked to pic-hill..lol..i was sooo happy haha

2008-08-02T11:58:00.000-07:00

these few days have been pretty upsetting for me..i dunno y but i feel damn stressed..i cant seem to cope n sometimes i really feel stupid like y ppl can understand soooo fast yet i lagging behind..

2/8/08
i couldnt sleep so i went looking at my friendster fren profile..its like ages since i logged on..lol
i went to read alexa's profile..she is as pretty as before n i wonder when i will have a figure like her..den i saw tt she went VJC..n to think tt in tkgs she was always going out etc..i somehow envy her..how come ppl got so much life, have so many bfs n yet study well..y is life so unfair..i juz wanna study well n have fun but i already dun seem to be managing...

1/8/08
today..i was very very happy..cos some jap guy sat behind me during econs n he was speaking nihon..jap..hahaha..so intoxicated..plus caishan finally told me wad was going on n yes..my theory's rite again..lol
den during maths remedial..i look at the qns i felt so low..i feel like hey..y i m so slow..y m i so useless..mdm ong even wanted # to help me..of cors i never thot tt she wld help me..lyk duh..but i myself on the other hand totally hated the idea..even if # was willing..i dun wan..i DONT WANT..i dun need her pity..i m lyk her a human..y do i need her aid..i will manage..
there is lyk so much emotions in my heart..i dun like # comments..not tt i hate her but sometimes being too blunt can be offending n i m offended..i m trying to control myself but i m afraid i cant control one day..i dun wanna quarrel but the devil is making me feel horrible..argh..i juz wanna forget..i really wanna pass n graduate..i believe i can n so i will strive..i swear..

tt evening..tho i wasnt in a fine mood.. i went to meet germaine at bishan, n we went bugis to eat n shop..i eat wongkok char can tang..it was nice ok..we splurge n spent $34 in total..lol but aft food i felt somewhat happier n esp aft talking to ger ^^

n so we went talking abt our schs n ger told me tt she may not go for prom..omg..i cannot allow tt to happen..so i persuaded her to go..her reason for not going was "its a couple event"..men..i was pissed..y only couples can grace the event..i m a proud n happy single..(i think)..so y cant i go..i shall go partnerless =P
tt nite..we went to acs i n OMG..so many cute guys..hahahaha..i was soooo happy..shuang...the dance was wonderful..the songs were good too..haha..enjoyed watching jasmine n yes i cheered her name out loud..she heard n smiled..wahoo!!
before the event.. there was this vip seat tt we cannot sit..duh..but the vip tt came was very ill mannered ppl..there was this gall tt place her legs on the railing like she owned the place..ok maybe she does own the place but hey..in public..sigh..wad a disgrace
den the choir's president parents wanted the vip seats..they sounded damn bossy n said, we r the club's president relatives..so yes we r vip..wa lao..damn thick skinned lor..
but these small detractors didnt affect my mood..haha..kevin the emcee was funny too..'ladies u may call me kevin..gentlemen, call me aft the show..'haha..i was damn entertained..
saw eevin's gal..or gal to be..felicia..was ok la..kinda petite n cute..exactly the type tt eevin will go for..anyway..tts not the main pt..the main thing is tt eevin was reading a book tt i gave him in primary sch..it has my handwriting saying ' dun forget me'..something lyk tt..whoa..damn cheesy..but anyway..ee vin obviously didnt forget me..but now..i wanna forget him..haha XD

i wanna sleep le..its 3/8/08 at 3.25am..lol

2008-07-21T08:28:00.000-07:00

today..was mundane..i quarelled with mum cos who ask her to be so controlling..caused me to miss my prison break..argh!!!!

i wanna go out with zoe..got so many things to talk..i wanna eat chocolate..quality chocolate cos aft i change my braces, it hurts like hell n every day..i eat soft stuff..damn irritating...

talking abt my braces..OMG lor..catherine's fees are so DAMN ex..1000-1st time 3000-2nd time.. sometimes i wonder if its rite to be angry with my mum..cos its like she is doing so much for me but she shld noe damn well that i go for the soft approach..i wont take the hard way..anyway..tmr i shall ignore her..yes..

i cant seem to concentrate on my work..i really dunno y..i cant focus...argh!!!!i must do something to myself or else i will really be failing....i noe i can do it but apparently, talk without action leads to nothing..sigh

recently the ren ci case..i really feel sad for the patients...they suffer the most lor..luckily i donate by effort n not by cash..feel tt its more practical tt way =)

must mug le..mugging all the way..lol

2008-06-30T08:21:00.000-07:00

its been mths since i posted..but this will be my last post till i change the layout..i haven been too happy since my grandma's death..its a big blow to me n i went thru a horrible time of heartache, insomia, swollen eyes due to all the crying n having a mild form of depression whereby i dun really wann meet anyone neither go out..i juz wanna coop at home n wallow n sorrow...

i really really love my grandma..she is the one tt did not despise me despite of how i look when i was juz a baby..totally unlike my grangmother(maternal)
i noe she lived a long life but i still miss her..to think of wad we can do, wad have we done tgt in S'pore..it totally breaks me down...the last picture i took of her makes me cry as i wonder y did she leave me so early..as i type this..i m crying once again..

during this time..i wanted a special person to talk to..but there was none..compared to those who currently have their other half..i feel like a loser inside n outside
my braces are in fact more complicated than it seems..i have been working to save to pay of the bills cos 957 for x rays is really too much for my family to bear n to me..my family is the most precious thing..i m really afraid tt the cost for doing n completing my braces will be too much to bear..shld i cont working..it seems tt i m having difficulties coping..yet..i cant seem to stay focus =(

Li Meng my sweetheart came back just to visit us..we had a great time tgt..i really look forward to seeing her in china..yet the demise of my loved one was still too much to bear as up till now, i cant get over it..i m feeling damn emo n i cant help it..i hate it..i want to do better to show my grandma in heaven..i really wanna succeed in life..but how? who has the answers...i hate myself

i have to admit..i m jealous of ppl tt have bf, tt are being pursued..i envy them..i always wonder when will it be me..tt encounter..sometimes i really feel depressed..not tt i really want one but y it seems so easy for everybody but it seems so far from me..y do i not even have this chance to experience? is this fair..? n again..i m being emo..

anyway..i will be working hard for now n i will find some time to change my layout..cos i think it sucks now..life sucks anyway..

2008-04-21T06:12:00.001-07:00

VAMPIRE KNIGHT IS DAMN NICE...totally addicted to it..lol

will change moi skin if moi have the time..

hate camps..still got the stupid abcde camp..sucks la..going to request for longer bathing time due to my skin..cant stand camps tt have such military style..lol

2008-04-16T06:54:00.000-07:00

wads my future?..wads my purpose for life?
lonely..lonely..我渴望被爱但是谁呢？VAMPIRE NIGHT ROCKS
kaname sama =)

2008-03-10T04:39:00.000-07:00

如果你變成天空
那…
想你的時候我就看著天空
晴天就是你心情好的時候
雨天就是你在哭泣
夕照的天空就是你臉紅害羞了
澄靜的夜空就是你溫柔地抱著我。
─美嘉

omg..sky of love is super nice...i love it so much...cried 1 bucket of tears n zoe was lyk asking me to relax..sigh..first love......do i even have one in the first place

must mug..my tution t'cher's daughter is hci's top student..wang dan qing...so smart..i so stupid..so must mug more than her..lol..STUDY!!

2008-03-06T07:16:00.001-08:00

today had a fun day..juz wanted to post pics to show my smart frens =)

2008-03-04T06:53:00.000-08:00

flipping thru the time's magazine's luxury edition abt fashion etc..i cant help but wonder..how m i going to get rich in the future..there is a lot of things tt i want now..although thesefew yrs my family's financial status improved..but i really dunno abt the future...wads my ambition..?..how m i going to be the person i wanna be...wad r my interests...i really need somehelp..sigh

my sweetheart's coming back in june..damn happy..haven seen here for ages...=) ^^

going to change my blog skin soon..recently started on a idol drama..ming dao n qiao en so compatible..omg..i cant wait to have ming dao as mine..but tts super impossible..dramas n reality is totally diff..a gal in a drama with a rowdy nature gets admirers..but in real life..its impossible..usually guys go for gals without defects in either looks or character...so lemme harbour a hope tt i got chance aft my operation..haha

2008-02-25T18:56:00.000-08:00

have not been feeling too happy sine the jae..somehow i miss the pae period..i dunno wad cca to take..studies etc..so irritating..wad do i picture myself in the future?
do i even have a future...my brother is attached..i m happy fo rhim but on the other hand i feel emo lyk y in my whole life i feel as tho being left out..somehow i feel v.tired..so back i go again in to my world of fantasy whereby dramas n comics r my life...i dunno if i can hold out anylonger but i m v.sure this is my period of feeling emo..god noes the pln he has for me but i dunno wad i really want...let fate decide

2008-02-12T06:10:00.000-08:00

been long since i blogged..i got a bloody 10 for o's n it has definitely affected my mum..so i dunno how i shld feel..saw her cry that day is lyk everything happened yesterday..the wound is still raw..anyways i m happy at ajc due to my fren..or cliques or wadeva u call them la..og not enthu nvm..felicia angeline jiaqi jeremy quite fun tho..den 19/08 rocks la..the unique one =D but juz the very thot of vday coming makes me all emo again..

y did he have to gimme tt lor..now i feel so unsure..n i hate tt..its not supposed to be this way..it shldn't be such a way tt i m going to get hurt...how i dun wanna start thinking is bcos i dun wanna have those kind of senseless fluctuating feeling n mood....ahahahahahahahahah....depressed n emo =(

worse still..me mam ask me appeal njc or vjc..i dun even have the confidence to dream now lor,wad makes my mum think tt i can make it...lol

consolation: i saw cute guys in malaysia...n i saw my cousin...=P

2008-01-16T08:06:00.000-08:00

ajc..tts the sch i m stuck in now..tho its quite a nice sch where i have made loads of wonderful frens..i somehow still wanna change sch..nj...vj...or maybe my dream ->hci..but they all seem so far away as the date of o's draw nearer..for the first time in my life..my parents say they will accept any score..min..stay in ajc..but i on the other hand never felt so tired of my life...i mean wad purpose is there for me to live any more..pauline made me promise that i will call her no matter wad my resultd..but still..if i seriously didnt do well..perhaps this might be my last few post.

xin hao went for the operation leaving me..the only person undone..i dunno wad to expect cos my life is filled with too much uncertainties...just hope that my father in heaven can show me the correct way and let me have faith in following his path

anyway..on a lighter note..26 is the party..at my house =)see ya if u have been notified

*for those who dun..sorry its because my hse too small and i am sharing the space with my brother's frens

2007-12-29T06:04:00.000-08:00

sch's reopening n my bdae is coming..this yr..ai ni is leaving on the same wk as my bdae..hope tt i can have operartion in june...anyway..making 10 resolutions soon..wait for it..u'll see

2007-11-06T18:12:00.000-08:00

seriously..i dun really feeel that my blog exist..but anyway..i wont give up so easily..its o's and i have been real busy..kinda scared tt i wont do so well..it has happened b4 n i m absolutely terrified..now all thats left is mcq but i m like too scared to be even thinking abt the results...wad if i dun do well n i might as well commit suicide..going to korea in like 16 days time..really very excited n i wonder when was the last time i took a plane..pathetic huh...anyway..i shall be obsessed with my diet now since prom is round the corner...bought my prom dress le..i would not really call it a dress but who cares..its within my budget n looks appropriate..i have like spent over 1000 for just clothers to korea n tts way out of budget..but if the construction site canteen is confirmed then i probably wont feel so guilty.

with 11 pts for prelims where can i go..its lyk i m so loser not making it to even njc...how can i even face my parents...

the key to dieting is that i must fell guilty n hassled abt food..i mean think of all the calories..i seriously hope tt i get anorexia..den maybe i will be like perfect esp with my op coming up..but it seems that the op has to be delayed..this is seriously depressing

must be more moyivated n self discipline to run too..i wanna look gd in korea..i mean koren guys are hot arent they =P

i m kinda attached to germaine now cos she has been such a good pal..hopes she wont get kicked out by rjc n that zhuyun can make it there too..then we can meet up so easily since rjc is super close to my home

diet diet diet..chem chem chem..phys phys phys..thats all i can think bout now..gotta seriously get back to work..lol

2007-10-13T10:13:00.000-07:00

really..i havent been blogging but i dun realli think it matters..this blog is mainly for my sweetheart n to vent out my feelings..

recently have been working damn hard on chem..i dun wanna lose anymore..in the past i always felt that since i m not fighting for something hard, there is no need for disappointment..so i never really fought for anything with determination in these recent yrs until i realised how much i detested losing. i dun wanna lose..i must win!

i cannot let anybody down..especially myself..so it will be a fight to death to the o's now..n i hope tt when i get back my results..it will be no regrets..at least i have tried my best

may luck + attitude + hardworking be on my side =)

2007-10-01T19:44:00.000-07:00

yay..everything is over le n i feel so happy =)its like recovering something u have lost

then again the stupid sch ..give us so much work n mock test..irritating..have to work work work harder n harder

2007-09-30T23:04:00.000-07:00

A friend is someone who sticks (hangs) to you at all times, and a friend is someone who you trust....
yet one of my fren that noes me for more than 10 yrs did not trust me..i thot he would believe me..i thot he would trust but all i got was a doubt..yes i was angry but thats the past..now i only lay hurt and ask ..wad is our frenshiop worth..wad does it even mean..
i came across this quote saying: "You cannot say you've lost a friend. If a friendship is capable of ending, it is because it never existed."
did our frenship even exist?
hope to get a answer asap cos you only meet your once in a lifetime friend... once in a lifetime

2007-09-28T08:17:00.000-07:00

recently..a few irritating events happened but wad made me pissed of was an accusation of someone tt i noe for a long time..i HATE being accused wrongly of anything cos the mistrust is there..i shall NOT bury the hatchet unless appeased

prelims results are back n aft moderation..13 pts..damn horrible..my chem physics n emaths must must do well.so i will use all the time possible to study..but of course must rest la..will sleep early too..hehe..watch magicians of love first then sleep..tmr still got physics mock..shit la..have to study again..sigh

2007-09-22T09:54:00.000-07:00

22/10/07..that is one mths time from now..which is the day my o level start.
do i have the confidence to conquer my fear, myself? i believe tt it will depend on how hard i work..

a wk ago i was facing a family crisis which i think that it is not stable even up till now.

i will complete all the ws i owe both e maths n a maths...n i will work hard in the memory of mrs ng. no more slacking from this day onwards!!

bought a camera recently..hope tt it will capture precios memories tt i have missed these few years

watched 200pounds beauty..felt so sad foe hanna..cos it seems tt i can somehow relate to her but hey..i will definitly slim down aft o's..just wait n see..by 17 i will be a changed person!!

2007-09-19T07:38:00.000-07:00

havent been blogging recently ever since prelims..heard from my t'cher tt my 长文缩短not gd..damn worried..plus my e maths somehow i flunk it..or so i feel..die la..prelims lyk tt just hope tt my physics chem n bio can have miricale..really very scared

tday..i received a sad piece of news..my emaths t'cher mrs ng passed away..damn shocked..n i cried

life is nvr smooth isnt it..cant imagine how mrs ng's hubby n daughter can cope with the news...

pray for them

2007-09-08T10:12:00.000-07:00

realised tt my entries r getting shorter n shorter but nvm..lemme elaborate events tt happen these few days

went out with pauline n yu hung to k box from 10 - 3 pm..went back home then headed for asha..nothing big really happened but i felt that i havent play enuf for tt day cos i somehow couldnt feel the high i felt when i was with my honey n galfrens..but that type of freedom now during this period i think is impossible plus tt time, i was drunk so maybe the nxt time i head for k, it wld be at nite with booze..haha..i m not a bad kid tho..i drink occasionally..its tantalizing!!=P

anyway, sat was forever so busy catching up with physics..i almost forgot my replacement with asha n had to rush all the way down..thank god for my mum who dares to speed n sent me for tuition in just a flash..haha

had went to cut my hair but somehow its not a very dramatic change..just to make it look presentable..

watched 我猜我猜我猜猜猜..tonight's theme was abt lovers n which one of them is already split one..OMG..aft atching that show i was super envious cos one of the pair was so damn sweet..i mean totally like a match made in heaven..i pray tt they dun split up or else i will be so heart broken..haha...lyk that is my business..lol

deep down in my heart, i feel tt i really have split personality..sometimes i really have an urge to find a BOYFRIEND especially aft watching/reading/seeing some very romantic love stories..but apparently i dun think is possible..never mind, i look n peel my eyes open cos i wanna look at the inside more than the outside =)
onthe other hand..i m lyk so wad..romance isnt every thing ..esp aft marriage cos real successful marriages are so far n few..even i feel tt my parents dun make the grade..love is so scary

wait..shouldnt i be studying..oh yes..i still have bio havent touch yet..9/9 will be bio n ss day..good governance..sg ind devt..venice..diplomacy n deterrence..health n edu n maybe people n housing..just hope tt the exam on mon will be fine..having weird dreams these days but i m not going to complain cos i had nightmares n weird dreams r nothing in comparison..=)

2007-09-06T04:00:00.000-07:00

time's running out..so much to do yet so little time left

DOES AGE MATTERS?..u have the built, height and character tt i like best...will heaven give us a chance?

why is tt i have the sense tt u r avoiding me...idiot..i dun wanna noe so much le..好痛苦啊！！！！

2007-09-01T23:39:00.000-07:00

great grandmother's 100th day death anniversary is today..n i woke up in the morn with a horrible nightmare abt how my poor results led to my mum's anger n death..lol..but i still cried tho..so loser..woke up n sleep with tears......

anyway..the stupid dvd player is giving me probs again..nvm..luckily media classic player is useful..if tt one relli cannot..maybe i use vlc??anyway..today saw my grandma..n i still cant stand the sight of her..so picky n urgh..i shall ignore her n not let such a stupid ancient person bother me..why cant she be lyk my grandmother in ipoh..so loving..this one in singapore so bias..敬人者人恒敬之，爱人者人恒爱之，为何它不试着去改，我曾经向感化他但始终不成功，唯独失望啊！

have to go tuition soon..so tired..sigh

2007-08-31T03:32:00.000-07:00

31/8
today was so melodramatic..was supposed to be meeting some ppl but due to accidents the thing was sorta cancelled..lol..12 hrs ago was still worrying abt somethings tt is going to happen

1/9
forgot abt the physic mock exam..die la..but anyway..who cares cos i m slightly unwell..have to complete papers n CRO n atomic physic by this wk..so tired..nvm..i will work harder despite my depressed mood now..

其实一家人求的是什么？不就是一份和字吗？为什么我的家偏偏不如意？钱，我没有。样貌，身材我都不觉得我拥有。恋情也从未拥有过。甚至旅行我都没去过比马来西亚更远的国家。为什么上天就是不赐给我一些值得拥有或珍惜的事情呢？为何如此的不公平？老马还说我不够生前--我已经不要求什么了，衣服，鞋子，背包，我都不敢奢望,我只要求了这么一餐都不行吗？感觉上我似乎没有什么目的而存活下来了。若这次的考试不如意，我宁愿死了算了。反正我也没有脸面面对家人了。心理的失落感是我害怕誉为举失败。我不想再一次输给命运或任何一个人，特别是紧要关头时。老天爷，求你别再耍我了，我已经快要进步起考验了......这时的我，早已以泪洗面了...

2007-08-29T08:09:00.000-07:00

today's prelim for chem was such a let down..i feel that i have done so badly..i didnt understand the qns n 14 marks is already gone..feel so useless..why every time prelim or major test lyk that..i must ..swear n will work harder for my physics..tmr starting i will complete the annoying ac generator n logic gates with test paper chij tp 05 p2..someone pls help me..help me get out of my fear..

then today went to watch SECRET..yes..it was nice!!! super!! n i cried with iris..haha..the guy from her place laughed at us..but i still couldnt stop..it was so sad n touching..my fears in the beginning of the show were comfirmed as the end approached..the piano playing was great too..esp for me without music background..haha..suddenly wanna learn piano..lol

perhaps i m being toooo upset cos i feel lyk crying every now n then..i dun wanna wallow in self pity but it seems as if i cannot help it..how i wish i can be smarter...

2007-08-28T08:10:00.000-07:00

today is the 2nd day of prelim..n moving on to the third..i have studied hard for the past few years..yet i m really scared tt history repeats it self..if that really happens..i think i will really commit suicide cos i got no courage to face anybody
but of course, i will accept my set backs for now n sim higher..like wad leroy says..positive brianwaves..i think i can!!

break during the sept hols for me equals to more studying..will go swimming /jogging every day with my dad in the morn to adjust to a healthy lifestyle..seems that i have lost it for a long long time

sometimes i really wonder where have all our innocence gone to? i guess i have lost mine long ago..

money has never been so impt in my life..seeing the trouble n frustration my mum is going thru..i noe that for the rest of my life..i need money

lemme keep the faith now n have some confidence in myself for my maths..god bless to all tt are having exams now =)

2007-08-20T07:46:00.000-07:00

sigh..1 wk more to prelim yet i m sick le..so sad..must get better ..cough cough cough non stop..so tiring..ok..look on the brighter side..i can slim down =) plus no need go sch 4 2 days..tho i will mug at home..just hope tt i wont be inthis pathetic condition when i m having my prelims nxt wk..

my honey is coming home..yay..will go out with her soon..yippee..imagine all the fun but of course..not too wild or else i will be embarrassed again..

all the best to those mugging

2007-08-17T09:11:00.000-07:00

today was so sucky in sch cos i was sooooo sleepy..so sianz..then physics i was almost asleep..thank god for my saving grace..ECLIPSE..didnt really have time yesterday to complete the book but i have finished it n EDWARD is really damn sweet, gentleman, patient..alll the best qualities u can fing in a man..seems tt the guys tt i fancy is always starting the letter E eg: ethan n edward...haha

was kinda depressed when i went asha..cant stop thinking abt how badly i done for my oral..actually not tt bad but still..no good

sigh..no life of my own..my sweetheart is upset n i m sad..not tt i quarreled with her tho

let me make the best out of my life..

2007-08-16T09:19:00.000-07:00

hehe..today started on eclipse=)soooo addictive!!but i didnt really wanted to finish so fast cos i was really tired esp during mrs chia..started on RGS paper n hell it was tough..drank avacado juice again..yummy..but i m afraid tt the blender has some problems co the live wire sort of got loose under the screw..fortunately my dad noes how to repair it

recently kinda sad with yi ou cos i feel that i dun really noe her anymore..as in we talk yes n laugh but somehow.....maybe i m being sensitive but sigh..hope tt i m just being oversensitive =)

my sweetheart is coming back..yay..hope tt we can have one nite out wild =) i will be wearing something that flaunt my assets =P..who wants to wear something tt cover them up rite?

havent been feeling very happy recently..either i get a sudden wave of depressiion attack or i ..dunno..how m i supposed to express myself??

had took a psychological test with ivy today..hehe..kinda accurate tho esp the part abt marriage n the couple n the friends, character etc..only 1 thing..how can i have 10-20 bf in the future..thats acc to the test..LOL -_-''

well if anyone is interested in the test..tag n i will ask u personally =)

2007-08-14T06:45:00.000-07:00

yay..back in s'pore=)lemme recount wad happened 4 the past few days
8/8/07: went m'sia aft the nat day celebration..was feeling faint on the way but aft consuming some food, felt much better as i looked forward to the trip in Ipoh
reached ipoh at 8 n hell..it was dark n kinda creepy but when i saw my grandma, i was over the moon..had missed her alot n was so relieved to see her safe n sound
9/8/07: was busy with AMWAY..had to register at the office then settle monetary matters..cant stand my eldest uncle tho, so worried tt we wont give him enuf money..bought AMWAY mooncakes..very nice..esp the shanghai mooncake..not too sweet n eat already still want some more..just like the wantons in ipoh-the skin is so thin yet it wraps the meat nicely in place with mouthwatering sauce locked in it!!ahhh, just the mooncake n wantons can make me intoxicated!!!some pics to show:

10/8/07: bought a few dvds..all hongkong serial =)..went to jusco today..bought 2 lingerie..all D85..lol..kinda embarrased cos went around to a few brands but dun have my size..urgh..saw ECLIPSE!!!so happy thta i almost hyperventilated..wanted to buy it asap but my dad refused so i bought for sarah instead, hope tt i can read it aft her..singapore so slow..must wait til end of mth then have

11/8/07: headed to genting..love the cool atmosphere there but totally abhorred the smokers..wanna smoke also be more considerate rite..2nd hand smoke more poisonous leh!!

12/8/07: back to singapore..slept all the way thru the journey..sky was overcast n there was haevy rain..so scary esp when my dad is speeding at 130km/h
nxt time i will buy a car that can speed to 200km/h n it is still stable..my preferred choice:benetly =)

13/8/07: reached s'pore at 2 am..so tired n by the time i slept, it was already 3 so went to sch at recess time..aft sch went to the lib n realised tt weiling had been talking nonsense abt me n yu hung..i mean cummon..i totally dun have a bf so how can yu hung be my ex bf..lol

14/8/07: from yesterday nite till now..i had be running to the toilet due to diarrhea..so horrible..went to toilet 6 times in sch n another 10 times n still counting..sick..hope that i recover soon as tmr is my o'level oral..gambate

2007-08-06T01:00:00.000-07:00

sad existence of my pathetic life..ok..i m stressed n frustrated cos i seriously cant handle all my tuition work n sch work..lol

i will accomplish AMWAY as my career once i hit 18..i will succeed cos i m practically a 100% user le!! i will prove it!!

gonna fast frm the tv for 5 days..will try my best tho..=)

emo now

2007-08-02T06:20:00.000-07:00

lol..had fever on the last night of july so missed sch the next day which is 1 aug but recovered fast enuf tho...went lib that noon also...den there was this fren of yuhung that was friendly enuf so i started talking n oops..my cold exterior was unearthed cos i started talking soooo much..argh..sorta forgot abt work...den i saw shermaine..lyk lol...so embarrassed cos i was sitting with 2 boys which kinda seem wrong but i dun think so anyway..den sher asked me a qns which mdm lum went thru but apparently she didnt listen but obviously i dunno cos i never even go sch..so kinda felt stupid cos i couldnt handle tt qns from acs(i)..wad a sucky sch..in the end i started asking ppl around me n even called germaine but i still got confused in the end..haha..i believe the qns could be completed so i went around asking pris n ger so i got the ans..yay!!!

in the end..weiling arrived at the lib too n i finished my bukit panjang paper 1 but heck la.. aug 2 got emaths mock which is lyk today...so i couldnt sleep all nite not that i was really worried just cannot sleep so TODAY, i slept in class..so peaceful =)

today was the last lesson for skating tho i cant skate, kinda miss albert the coach cos he was humorous..haha...no other feeling 4 him tho.cummon la..he is old in my criteria so i really dun understand how can ppl be infatuated with him...lol

aft sch was mock exam..lol..it was easy tho got 1 qns got stuck...who cares...anyway aft tt stayed back 4 dance rehersal..kinda fun tho i think i cant dance well..haha

so tmr is the day of performance..good luck to 4I..we rock all the way

2007-07-29T09:00:00.000-07:00

today was kinda busy n hectic cos went to mdm ang in the morn n due to some problems, mum couldnt come n pick me n i forgot to bring my wallet n keyes cos i just rushed out of the house..anyway..dad was supposed to come yet he was grumbling non-stop n i got sick of it..in the end, i got hold of yu hung's mother, auntie bao juan to help me pay for the taxi fare first then i wait at her house for my mum cos at 5 i still have tuition..zhao teacher..finally i got my dad off my back..argh

so at abt 3.30, auntie bao juan n i went together with my mum to ntuc..but b4 tt,went to have some food cos eat from 10 to 3..although i dieting but i not trying to die rite..so had popiah n horliks n muah chee from request of my mum..lol..

went on a "shopping" spree n wanted to buy e thirty 3..alcoholic beverage but apparently mum dun allow..says watse of money..if dad was here, he would have gotten it for me n probably throw in a bacardi..sigh

so finished everything at 4.30 n was rushing to tuition..so i slept in the car n by the time i reached bukit timah, my god..my hair was in shambles..so i decided to tie it up despite protests from my mum saying tt it make me look fatter..but i asked around n the response wasnt tt bad after all..hmmm

so then my mum came by n saw me blogging n asked me to switch it off..but hey..i didnt mean to blog so late..u were hogging the comp b4 me nto think i was the one tt on it first..grrrr

so tts all 4 now n as a side note..i slept from 12am-5pmon fri-sat!!!break my own record..yippee =D

2007-07-27T08:14:00.000-07:00

whoa..yesterday trash things out with my mum..yeah i felt so much better immediately but apparently i still didnt have a good night's sleep..anyway, today at sch was so crap..did practically nothing but PE was fun tho..the instructor apparently was trying to show off his skills while me n thendral melt in the sun..urgh..what an ass esp when we cant do PE at all...acc to mr chan, we've graduated from his class, lol!

went to mr lim's house today n yeah, he purchase our products.at least now we can show to OTHERS that we are CAPABLE, esp to those filthy backstabbers n petty freaks..hope u noe who u r...

haha..then at mrs lim i saw my WIFE..i miss her so much..long time never see her le..then got one malicious ghost come n kajiao..interrupt me n my lao po bonding time..lol..thy idiot was none other than eugene sim..sucker

but its ok..my mood swings well enuf to forget abt tt unpleasant encounter..lol
too tired to continue now..maybe i willsleep to 12 tmr to drive away all my dark eye circles..lol

2007-07-26T02:10:00.000-07:00

sometimes its just hard to ignore the fact tt u r single n u r gonna be single ur whole life(acc to some geomancer)..but hey..i shld feel happy for others right, why so bitter..urgh..can't stand my thots..anyway, went speech therapy today n it was fun meeting theresa cos she is my new therapist n she is pregnant!!her baby daughter is going to be called claire..nice name tho i think GRACE rocks even more!!

then took bus home n was so damn tired..slept all the way till the interchange, should have alighted but overshot le so in the end i ended up at central n since i reached there i thot i would go for chiro n then later mrs chia no need so rush...still half asleep, i saw my cuz..apparently he went there for chiro too..sigh..ended up taking bus with him n promised to go over n take somebook later in the night..

lol..just so tired but have to go tuition...i very AWESOME one kay...
darling..hope i can see u soon

2007-07-25T05:12:00.000-07:00

i was so inspired by twilight tt here is my new blogskin..went to orthodontist today..must pray hard tt i finish my braces b4 my op..or else..i will cry...

went to gorge on sakae sushi..men..couldnt finish much but polished off my cost price n haha..spent some time there doing work..rushed to bishan lib aft eating

met up with yu hung who was kind enuf to wait for me..hehe..kinda sorry to let him wait so long..anyway..done a few a maths qns..so time is not wasted =)

felt guilty abt eating so much so i skipped dinner, not that i m hungry anyway..started on some exercises tho i m not really supposed to =P..but felt really gd so who cares..no naruto nor bleach...feel so empty but found a great web tt shows ouran high sch..not starting on it yet tho..dun wanna commit so fast

today wad surprised me most was tt zhiyun came to ask me if i wanna have a bf..cummon..i mean seeing ppl have seeing how sweet ppl can be together who dun wan...but the prob is do i have the chance..encounter wadeva u call tt..but i really dunno lah..hear so many stories so i m confused n unsure..well lets make it this way..let fate deem fit =)

btw..i just feel empty..i noe it has something to do with religion but i dun wanna commit yet..just not yet for now..but deep down i still noe where my heart lies =)

2007-07-24T07:44:00.000-07:00

finished harry potter bk 7 from zhuyun..lol the ending was far frm the rumours but i sorta liked it..i mean to me its lyk a fairy tale tt is very intriguing

diarrhea diarrhea diarrhea+late late late for sch!!!die la..cried today cos so scared i late 4 3 times den my ce grade get b..will die i tell u..mum got angry with me..what a sweet tempered lady..thank god tt she is slighty handicapped in IT..stayed home today to avoid the 4th latecoming slip..urgh..i wanna be early but i cant sleep in the nite n lyk i can wake up in the morn..lol..a female's monthly fren is lyk sooo helpful..thank god for twilight

twilight is this series of story abt edward n bella..rocks totally..i have to read New Moon, cry myself to sleep every nite..cos i have isomania n this sucks..upset my whole life..den its work again..mrs chia is now pressing me to brush up my sec 4 a maths n e maths topical..ahh..its just tt i dun really fancy them..but will do so anyway

finally completed my a maths NYGHs paper..n starting on differentiation n will revise on ss

tmr DR SHUE..ahhh..cant eat again..good for me tho..slim down..kk gtg..need some serious sleep or the dark circles under my eyes are going to be permanent..nite =)

2007-07-20T08:05:00.000-07:00

hehe..today i wore a sari! men..it was ddamn tirriing...the top was so short that my belly is exposed..thank god i've got no fats so i think its quite ok..just damnweird cos never wear so little..but the sari is nice tho..only the walking part..had to become so demure all of a sudden n it sucks..my ettiqutte just cant make the mark can i? haha

went with zhuyun to cut hair n her long lock of black hair is just now SHORT..lyk mine sorta influenced her..nice hair tho..aunt teng did a good job with the hair..haha

went to eng tuition asha in a moody mood..why? cos i m missing some one n suffering a bout of depression..sigh..the person guilty pls appear soon..i will go on a rampage soon..lol

den 4 the music tt i m asking around..sigh..not very fast tho but i can obtain some songs..a bit at a time..for some project thing..sigh..i m a music idiot yet i m doing the project with music genius..thank god i can just do the logistics n ppt..argh

gonna chong studies la..bb

2007-07-19T07:07:00.000-07:00

hehe..ppl..i hav been so happy..cos my alfred bro has sent me some songs from teh playlist of twilight series..yay..he totally rocks =)

then there is the earnings of shares..if we can hual abt 2000 then meybe i can get a new h/p of my choice..have been hoping 4 that 4 a long time..i just pray that my wish come thru

recently have been rather depressed by the lack of time..havent revise sec 4 topics: differentiation, integration, relative velocity, vectors, n kinematics...then 4 the science my physic is not complete..chem is pure revision by testpapers n then the freaking emaths..urgh..still have yet to touch on it topically but i have practiced on paper 1 tho..promised mrs chia to complete the testpapers.

back to my life:..went to watched order of phoenix..it sucked totally to the core..lol..dunno what happened to my luck..always seem to watch the lousy shows..haiz..but nvm..i noe my luck will improve

racial harmony tmr..gonna wear sari!!will take some pictures n will post it if possible =)

2007-07-14T01:38:00.000-07:00

hey hey..recently, i came across this book by the title of : TWILIGHT n its 2nd book NEW MOON..OMGosh..i tell u..it is really astounding..the book holds its own magical powers n i m now a worshipper of that book!! finished twilight in 3 hrs on the very day i received it from jesiska =) just couldnt stop reading the book..so enchanting,so spell binding

the nxt day aft i returned twilight to jesiska..i had some sort of withdrawal symptoms..yess..my whole mind was abt EDWARD CULLEN n ISABELLA SWAN!!god...i just cant take my mind off them..so i went to search for more details of that book online and found out the 2nd book..NEW MOON

sauntered down to the lib in bishan immediately n was so frighten tt i will not be able to borrow it..thank god..it was there..i could almost scream with joy as i hugged the book close to my chest=)

i borrowed the book at 7 in the night and finished it by 12..out of the 5 hrs..i cried 3hrs..cos it was so sad..even now..aft a few days..as i look into the book..i cry..tears dripping from my eyes

will give a short sypnosis of the story soon but meanwhile..i m holding my breathe for the 3rd book..not the end tho..but the 3rd seems more action packed..the 2nd one made me sat on an emotional roller coaster..the first..made me exuberant..i was bubbly that 2 whole days..n i managed to convince ke hui n pris to read..yay!!

today is the 4th day since i read new moon n i m kinda depressed..cos i cannot help thinking why bella is so lucky to find true love while me...sigh...

maybe things will improve aft my op..i juz pray so..just let me feel wanted..even if its a game =(

but nvm..i noe edward n bella are happy with each other n thats that =D....meanwhile..i just have to complete all the stupid maths testpaper that is piling up..what a headache

bye now..hakumei

2007-07-08T00:01:00.000-07:00

whoa..its been friggin long since i blogged but pls forgive me..i have been busy studying up till 12 every day..n i m going to be sick..my throat hurts, my ulcers pops up consistently n i m going to be down..haiz..but before i m sick..i wanna talk abt a few things

firstly..i m going to have my operation this yr!!its like finally =)i hope to look better n maybe find a bf..haha just dreaming =) i just wanna enjoy my youth =)oh n so the op will be end of nov to abt start od december!!ppl must come n visit me kay?

then on 7/7/07..i went with hazel to cat high for chma..wow..it sucked..compared to last yr..this yr sucked totally..only the emcee was good..as in real good..we saw paul twohill infront of us n i didnt even recognise him..all i noticed was "hey,,there is a rowdy bunch in front of me..lol" after the whole thing i just felt that i wasted 10 dollars for nothing..aft the show..the few guys in front were like fighting n playing..almost knocked into me..wa..hurry up xiam ah!!!

den today..i read in the news forum..a mother requested all schs in singapore to adopt cat high way of burmudas..thats bull shit..so sucky..i guess this mum must be living in her own world..lol if my brother wears his clothes in this way n goes out with me..heck i will die on the spot..!!

oh n there is this never ending hw n i m feeling burnt out!!anyway..chiong now n enjoy later..unless god forbid..i m not going to let this life of mine have any regrets..i already had one in pri 6

adios mi amigo as i sign off now

2007-06-12T23:01:00.000-07:00

haiz..got soo much work to do..havent really finished my holiday homwork..stressed..met this guy from uk while playing chess..haha..didnt noe that cedar was so famous cos he knows cedar n even knows our niche area of track and field!!so proud to be a cedarian

2007-06-10T00:01:00.000-07:00

gee..today i m so damn pissed with the comp cos i wanted to practice n polish up my chess skills but apparently there was so many probs..gonna try again while i do my maths hw

2007-06-08T02:36:00.000-07:00

hey hey..back from cameron highlands..the weather was cool n the whole trip was cool..i did manicure =)

took pictures of the wonderful scenery n was amazed by the tudor styled hotels..but the hotel that we stayed at sucks..1 pillow Rm3..stupid..in the end i had to sleep without a pillow n it was so damn uncomfortable.

the first day was all travelling n we reached cameron highlands in the noon but went up only at night..stopped at taman rata for dinner..had steamboat n was eating with the teachers..kinda weird but mrs lim is nice..at nite was stuck with a lousy tv n had to sleep early..

day 2 was visits to farms n plantations..bought strawberries etc..shopped at the pasar malam for fruits n vegeies which were so fresh..felt like an auntie cos bought so much n bargained so much..thank goodness germaine was there..haha..so in total 2 aunties...
nite was cold n i was freezing..think i caught a flu..so tucked in early

time to leave the hill..will go back sooner or later but am concentrating on the trip to IPOH =)..there might be some delay tho cos my dad is unable to complete the work he has on hand..

2007-05-31T09:47:00.000-07:00

my great grandma passed away..these few days have been running from bisha to tao payoh..so tired..every nite stay till 1 to 2am...but it was a time when i realised all my relatives gather n we chat which we hardly do so..quite sad that my great grandma died but it was expected so not so bad..kinda miss her tho =(

went to acs i open house n heck..i m so tempted to apply for the IB..saw alexa, my ex tkgian classmate n i met a chij gal who noes me but i dun relly noe her..dunno why such things happen so frquently?..alexa made me thot of many things..when i was in tkgs..she was damn cho but damn vain..plus she was rich which makes me reconsider if i have any qualities to make it to IB other than my results..NVM..will strive for 6 pts then say how..

speaking of 6pts..met my cousin joanne n was quit unsettling cos so long never talk n she is always deemed by my parents a the better one among us..asked her how was her mid yr n apparently she did quite well unlike me..sad..but her sch paper is easy la..not trying to comfort myself but its true..phs is not even the top 20 schs of spore so to be mediocre at cgss isnt so bad rite..haiz..once i had failed to win her during PSLE n i will regret it my whole life..this time o level,i will NOT lose..WIN WIN WIN!!!!

gonna head for cameron highlands soon on tue 5/6..7/6 will be back..with a present for zhuyun!!cos this lovable fren of mine has helped me a million..=)..gtg go now..nxt time will mention abt places with good food!!syonara

2007-05-20T20:33:00.000-07:00

=P..my parents are better in getting along..yay =)
recently, re-watched a show n it made me think wad will happen if a person knew that he or she was going to die in the future. will he or she be able to still be positive about life ?..if u r given a chance to change history..will u do so?

apparently if u wanna change it..make sure u do nothing wrong now cos today is the foundation for history!

recently discovered a new eating spot at amk blk 151 whereby the there damn zai..their dimsum also good but its in a coffeshop!!cheap good deal =)

haha..gonna eat now =)

2007-05-14T01:12:00.000-07:00

to my dearest sweet heart out there..i m better now despite my insomnia n my bout of depression..i will work harder than ever to acheive my goals, aims n dreams..i never forget our promise n will strive to reach my ambition..do keep me in prayer as i walk on in faith..gonna mug now =)

2007-05-12T03:55:00.000-07:00

these few days..have been sleeping all day..was upset due to my mid yr results esp my maths..i realy feel lost now..i dun noe if its du to my incompetency,carelessness or......i really dunno T_T

relly dunno how to tell my dad..have i let them down? but i really tried my best..i feel so guilty..wad can i do..i have really practiced practiced n practiced..wad shld i do?

2007-05-09T09:02:00.000-07:00

9/5
swam 12 laps today..actually wanted 18 but the skies turn it back on me..boo hoo! :(
wanted company but almost everybody has either sch or exam or lessons..haiz

slept thru half of my day n gave tuition at 3.30..thats my day lor..the only perk was at nite when i finally log onto my msn n hey..all my frens were there =)

li meng called to my great delight n we were discussing wad to day for a day when she come to singapore =)

n today..finally uploaded songs onto my blog ..yay!!

2007-05-08T07:07:00.000-07:00

today was a good start..first, i woke up myself which i think is a feat cos usually i will be still snoring away...then i went to vivocity to watch 200 pounds beauty..but there was no such a slot..in the end we watched fracture in which liu xi like the evil sinister old man..but i must admit that he has wits tho the young lawyer is much more handsome n he has integrity

to rush home at 5.30..i took a cab but i had no cash so i intended to pay by nets but for heavens sake..there was no nets machine in that particular cab..in the end i had to ask aunt leng for help n transfer the money to his acc..but it was a complete fiasco..argh

went to uncle simon's hse n my mum crapped with him abt the damn laptop which i had to frigging learn n my idiotic bro was lyk pestering me for that god damn thing..sucks..to worsen the whole thing..my dad was like saying wad graduates have a better oppurtunity in the cooperate ladder but i beg to differ cos now its not only the cert but also the exp..so when he has plenty of one n not the other, why not he just go apply for courses n get the god damn cert!!

10.00..had a tiff with my dumb parents aft watching the 9pm show on channel 8..i just cant stand how the show depicts exactly wad my family is going thru but my dad is not doing anything to improve the situation..i think this family is gonna end in divorce no matter how much tears i m going to spill T T

my greatest happiness comes from harmony within the family n if i cant attain that..life is kinda meaningless to me

2007-05-07T11:10:00.000-07:00

7/7
today's physics was a killer..despite studying for it..i still cannot ans a few qns..argh!!! shall kill my teacher cos he is the culprit-the setter of the damn paper!!

wasted my time in the noon by sleeping all the wa to six..wanted to go swimming but due to my laziness i had no more time..furthermore my chiropractic adjustment is at 7!!

at 2120..my dad suddenly suggested for us to watch spiderman 3!! so i went online to check the timings and hey.there is a slot at 2210..so we changed n rushed downtown!!crazy huh..no signs prior to this that we r going..

spiderman 3 was a WOW!!i learnt many things from the show like revenge loses one's heart n soul..sometime humility is impt plus there is like choices of teh heart etc so in total i strongly reccomend the show..worth for money =)

2007-05-07T11:00:00.000-07:00

6/7
today set off for tuition early n den went to eat western food at upp yio chu kang road..food was superb with the fresh musscles and ingredients they used..the chef was once working in a restaurant but got retrenched hence he is out working as a boss himself the plus pts of his food was tasty n u can sense the effort place in the cooking unlike other western food

went to buy a laptop today at simlim square..costed a bomb but it was necessary for amway!!i would certianly love to see my mum having success in her MLM career!so thanks to the bustle of the new laptop..i was late for my tuition..damn paiseh(got 2 tuition in a day!) but anyway..lived with the humiliation n survived!!

2007-05-07T10:44:00.000-07:00

sat 5/5
i watched abt 3 vcds today despite my upcoming test for physics..of 2 were korean movies by the name of 那小子真帅，and 狼的诱惑 both made me spill tears. the first one was a happy ending and i was so glad that i cried..the other was a sad one whereby one guy died. In 狼的诱惑，there was this brother-not blood related-loved his nuna(sis) but he had to leave his sis cos he had illness plus the sis was already with someone else. In the end i ended up liking both the main charcter of the movie which is actually originated from a book.haiz..i just cant seem to stop my tears...

den in the evening, i watched a recast of the drame serial王子变青蛙.just my luck to chance upon the saddest part of the whole series n i started crying again!!LOL

at 6.30pm,an idea struck me to go with my whole family to watch spiderman 3..we arranged almost everything and already reached vivocity but the watching the movie was unsuccessful as my dad complained abt the traffic..in the end we went to eat fish head steamboat at a shop opened by my mum's fren...it was cheap due tue to discount but hey..the quality of the seafood there was good..so that was for my entire sat

2007-05-06T07:58:00.000-07:00

You are The Emperor

Stability, power, protection, realization; a great person.

The Emperor is the great authority figure of the Tarot, so it represents
fathers, father-figures and employers. There is a lot of aggression and violence
too.

The Emperor naturally follows the Empress. Like an infant, he is filled with enthuiasm, energy, aggression. He is direct, guileless and all too often irresistible. Unfortunately, like a baby he can also be a tyrant. Impatient, demanding, controlling. In the best of circumstances, he signifies the leader that everyone wants to follow, sitting on a throne that indicates the solid foundation of an Empire he created, loves and rules with intelligence and enthusiasm. But that throne can also be a trap, a responsibility that has the Emperor feeling restless, bored and discontent.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

genesis+

2007-05-04T09:13:00.001-07:00

i dedicate this blog specially to Limeng as i wan her to noe what is happenning in s'pore=)
finally nearing exams!!yay!! gonna watch my episodes of bleach naruto etc..since only physics left so dun care lah.. plus i got so many other things to be happy bout:learning archery, FENCING n dining ettiqute!!mus have some basic mannerism i guess..muz value add myself

life can be so unnerving..sometimes u juz cant please anyone (i only please my parents..others..go n die!!)..so i m not going to give the slightest damn to whims n pleas..i will fight, seek dispute n find my basic instinct...

quarrels r part of marriage life it seems..so i think i m having phobia of marriage..haiz..if anna was here, she wld hav rattled abt 10 gd reasons why marriage is good

missing you..=)