Thursday, 23 October 2008 ♥ 04:17
recently...i m sooo damn plagued with promos...its fated tt i will not be promoted...sigh..my heart feels so heavy..its lyk y?--deep down i noe y...its cos i m slack...i m useless...i m stupid...i m juz the opposite of everything good..i always thot when i m 18..i will graduate like everybody..but now...its impossible...i thot tt i could have my operartion @ 18...but its also not possible...all good things have eluded me so far..when will my time come...to stay back another yr i m prepared..i noe what to do n how to study now...its juz tt the thot of leaving juz hurts so much that my heart bleeds...drip drop drip...sometimes i juz wanna die..end this miserable life of mine..but i will not walk straight into the devil's trap..if god wans me to stay another yr..fine..his will be done...if tts the price i have to pay...let his will be done...cos tts the only way i can find comfort now....tmr is impt...it will decide lotsa things...we'll see what fate has in store for me....
guy B...i still havent gotten over him..y?..is it bcos i see him often?...anyway..it has to stop....when there is no future...end it...its the logical thing that one has to do right?life sucks...esp when i see A n B so close...its not jealous but its the feeling of being so non existent..so blatantly tt "hey..not u"...but y my heart cant obey...i feel miserable..i can never compare to anyone right? doesnt matter...i will do whatever it takes within these few months to shape myself...if not for him..at least for myself...
recently read a book my lurlene mc daniel...i will be seeing u...OMG...i cried soooo hard...i can totally understand how the gal inside feel...but shes lucky...she made it thru...but how many guys lyk tt exist...probably none....even if there is..it wont be me anyway...
i really love my class...they are all so precious to me...but now...its were...they were all so precious to me......syonara
